My Mom....finally....

I've wanted to blog about this for so long but just couldn't....

I think I've reached a point where it's finally sinking in. Since the day she died, I think I've been walking around in a state of disbelief! So many times I've picked up the phone, dialed her number and just let the phone ring. I've gone to her old apartment and just sat in the parking lot and just stared at what used to be her windows. No, I'm not crazy. I'm just a girl who realized how much a mother means.

I never once in a million years thought I would have to plan my mom's funeral. I mean, yes, naturally, a parent isn't supposed to plan their child's funeral and it should be the other way around, but you also don't expect to have to do it at 27 years old. You think you have more time.

The crazy thing is, she called me Tuesday, August 24th in alot of pain. I remember like it was yesterday b/c it was the first week back to school and she was supposed to babysit on Wednesday b/c I had an appointment with my doctor. I called and told her not to worry about it and to just rest. She didn't get any better so Thursday she was admitted to Arlington Memorial. I kept saying, "I was just talking to her. I thought she was starting to feel better!" UGH! Trice and I went to see her Thursday and she was talking and joking, but I could tell she wasn't her self. She didn't even seem like my mom. I felt bad for her because she was hooked up to all these machines and getting fluid suctioned from her stomach. She had started to swell really bad. :( She asked us to go home and she said "Momma's tired. Ya'll go home." So we went home and I had a bad feeling. Friday, she went into a state of mental confusion and could no longer form coherent sentences. I began to feel sick to my stomach. I KNEW she would never be the same but I also KNEW she was recover and come home and soon as she was rehydrated. My husband and I left and I cried the whole way home. I knew something was up. I lost sleep that night and woke up early Saturday morning and headed to the hospital to be with my mom. She had by herself all night and couldn't speak for herself. Someone had to do it and no one else would go. I spent the entire day their. I talked to her even though she didn't talk back. I graded papers and told her about my new class. I told her how much Ashlynn liked her new daycare. All the while, doctors are coming in and out performing x-rays and blood work. I began to feel drained when one doctor stated he want to do an exploratory surgery and take a look in her stomach. Signing such important paper work can make you grow up fast. I was doing ok with the exception of a few moments of tears. They wheeled her down to surgery but couldn't begin for while because they were having to resisitate her several times because her "numbers" kept going lower than they could work with. When they finally were able to administer anestessia and see what was happened they realized her condition was inoperable and fatal. The doctor informed and I will never forget his cold words:Dr: Are you her daughter? Me: Yes Dr: I'm sorry, but her condition is inoperable and there's nothing we can do for her. It will kill her Me: what do you mean? When? Dr. : she may not make it through the night. Maybe a few more hours. I'm sorry. That was about 4 p.m. at 7:40 she died. She was officially pronounced "expired" at 8:42 p.m. Saturday, August 28, 2010. At that point, I went numb.

I could blog all day about this but I will conclude with this statement.....
It has been so hard without her. I miss my momma.......

Halloween 2010

This year was the first year Ashlynn got to actually "participate" in it. Last year she went, but she was barely 4 months old. This year she went as a pink cheetah. We got the outfit from a cousin and it was really cute!!

We spent the day at church and then went bowling. Toward the end of the night, we went Trick or Treating in Kimm's neighborhood, River Trails, in Fort Worth. That neighborhood really went all out. They even had some yards transformed in to graveyards and everything!! Kimm bought Ashlynn a glow stick and she went to town with it all night. We were accompanied by Trice's brothers, Brannon and Ray and Brannon's girlfriend, Valerie. I look forward to Halloweens in the future just so I can see what Ashlynn will be like. She's such a f

un girl!!!

Below are just a few pics of our evening..

back to the pediatrician....

So we went back to the doctor today hoping to hear that her ear infections cleared up...

Ashlynn's appointment was at 4:45, but we didn't even get to see Dr. Joki until 6:30...so pretty much a 2 hour wait. I was NOT happy, but he's an awesome doctor who is very thorough so it's always worth the wait!!!! Ashlynn still as the ear infection in both ears and with the meds she was on it wasn't getting any better so he phoned in some new meds with an added chemical to help get rid of it faster. We go back to the doctor in about 2 weeks! I'll remember this time to schedule it early in the morning! Luckily, 2 weeks is during Spring Break so I don't have to miss any work. Ashlynn is going back to daycare tomorrow. Hopefully this RSV bug won't swing back around to her. Her immune system is pretty strong so I'm praying she'll be ok. :)

Speaking of Spring Break, The Williams' Fam is planning to take a trip to Galveston so Ashlynn can see Papa (my dad). He hasn't seen her since she was 2 years old. I've never really experienced Galveston although I was there every year since I was born. Other than last year, I hadn't been to Galveston since my sweet grandmother passed away in 2002. Last year I was 6 months pregnant and couldn't really do anything. Hopefully, we can do something. Ashlynn just might get to go to the beach! We gotta get a swimsuit!!! Should make for some cute pictures!

Poor Lil Tink Tink---

So Friday, I have to leave school unexpectedly and take Ashlynn to the doctor. She was running a fever at daycare and she couldn't stay. I assumed it was because she was teething, but then I remembered she had been coughing and had a runny nose. So I took her to Care Now. They ran some tests on her and took X-Rays of her little chest. At this point, her fever is 101!!! It turns out that she had RSV. The more I sat at the clinic, the more I started to suspect it. Some other babies in her class had been out for about a week with RSV. I didn't know how highly contagious it was.

On top of that, she had a double ear infection that could have been caused by the RSV, and she was teething...Poor lil Tink Tink!!! She's such a trooper! When she's awake, you can't even tell she's sick! She's napping a lot more..I'm sure it's the meds!

She was given three prescriptions, one of them was albuterol for a nebulizer that we don't think we need yet. Good grief...altogether her meds should have cost about $80! Somehow, I didn't have to pay a dime! Praise the Lord!

The Little Noses saline drops is for her crusty little nose, Tylenol and Motrin for fever, teething tablets for teething, and the 2 prescriptions for the ear infection and cough! Then there's the nasal aspirator that she loves!

Parenting...it's the most tiring job I'll ever love!

Snow Day!!

As with all of these posts, they may be out of order because I haven't blogged since September.!!

Anywho!.. The metroplex experienced it's biggest snowfall in about 30 years. I couldn't believe how much snow we actually got!!! The streets were literally COVERED with snow

We even took the kids outside at school to have a snowball fight...how can you pass up that opportunity?However, they were a little wet coming back in....OOPS!

Of course, Ashlynn had to get in on the fun! She got her chance to get out in the snow... I had to snap the picture quick because she was trying to roll over and eat the snow!!! That girl.....

It was really cool to get a chance to get Ashlynn in some serious snow! I doubt it will ever snow that much in this area again! She won't remember it, but I have proof!