Jaundice....ugh

I've so enjoyed spending time with Ashlynn!! The day she was born the pediatrician on call informed me that there was a chance she would get jaundice. :( They decided to watch her carefully. So, they've done lab work to check for bilirubin in her system and every time it has come back higher than the time before. Her skin has become a little yellow. Her lab work last night (4 a.m.) came back pretty high so the doctor ordered that she begin phototheraphy to help her little system get rid of the bilirubin. Initially, I said she can stay in the nursery and receive the therapy, but I missed her so much that they brought her down to my room.The photo is of her receiving the therapy while she is in the room with me. The draw back to this therapy is that she HAS to stay under the lights for it to be effective which means when she starts crying I can't go and pick her up. That is SOOOO hard to do!! So, reluctantly, I called the nursery and had them come get her and take her back. It would be so hard for me to leave her be. I've been crying all morning. I think I've cried so much that I am making myself sick!!! She will only come out when it is time to nurse which is now being supplemented by formula. So I will nurse her first and then follow with formula. The doctor says that this will make it easier for her to use the restroom which she needs to do in order to be jaundice free. She wasn't using it enough with just food from the breast. I'm really hoping to take her home with me today. They gave me the option of finishing the phototheraphy at home but I think I am going to decline that offer because I will be too tempted to pick her up and cuddle with her when she needs to be under the lights. I miss her being in the room with me, but I've prayed and prayed and I know she will be ok. She wouldn't have to stay for long and I am just 10 minutes away and don't have to work so I could come see her when I need.

Now, if I could just stop all of this crying!!!